Chance; perhaps one of the most frightening things in existence. A chance is something unknown. Who doesn’t fear the unknown? I sure as hell do. But although the angst of uncertainty can be enough to deter anyone from blindly taking a gamble, some risks are essential to growth and success. I’ve learned that the hard way, by always doing what seemed safest at the time, and I’ve realized that what appears safest at the moment may not always result in the most beneficial way. I can recall countless occasions where I wish I would have chosen the riskier option, because although there was a higher possibility of an unfavorable outcome, the attainable benefits far outweighed the risks.

Nature; amazing. I’m not going to make you puke by going on and on about this. Take me on a walk in the woods and you’ll learn much more than I could ever write here. Really though, do it.

Compulsions; the dictionary defines this as  a strong, usually irresistible impulse to perform an act, especially one that is irrational or contrary to one’s will. In all honesty, I do not completely agree with that definition. I believe a compulsion is what, at that moment, your brain truly wants to do. I believe that it is a thought or idea that has been supressed, most likely for good reason, that has somehow fought its way through tangled thoughts, only to coalesce as a sudden and immediate impulse. I believe that if people didn’t repress some of these thoughts, the word compulsion would not have such a negative connotation.

Habit; it’s what day-to-day life consists of. Everyone has them, some negative, some equitable. What amazes me, though, is how quickly habits can form. Once you get used to something, it’s difficult to change your ways. I think a goal that more people should have is trying not only to eliminate detrimental habits, but to convert them into positive ones.

Reason; what we use to justify our every action.

Passion; the motivation that keeps us going. I’m incredibly inspired by people with such vehemence towards something, anything, it really doesn’t matter what. Anyone with such fervor and zeal for anything is okay by me.

Desire; a prominent emotion among most. Influencing uncharacteristic behavior, desire can make you do regretful things, or assist you in attaining whatever it is you covet.

All of this philosophical thinking has inspired me to dig deeper, let’s get to know Kristin maybe just a little bit better.

I’ve always felt that I’m different. I’ve had very few friends that have meant anything to me. Spare me the pity because I don’t need or want any, I chose to be closed from people’s emotions and bullshit. It’s saved me from heartache and disappointment. But in essence, I’ve always waited for that right person to come to me and understand my view on life. I’m a pretty deep person, if you haven’t noticed yet. Lately I have been struggling with reality. Visions of nightmares somehow become truth and fire has never burned this much. I plea sanity, but who decides what’s sane? Sometimes I wonder if all our lives really have a purpose. I know most of us are taught to have some sort of religion or something to guide us and comfort us, but what if we’re just soul-less vessels? Sometimes I think to myself, “Why bother trying?” Then I look back and say, “We must have a purpose, and I’m going to pursue it no matter the consequences are.” I’m the type of person who looks more into what life is. Trying to figure our existence and our purpose. We all have our destiny. What’s yours?

-Kristin

I’m not entirely sure why someone would suggest that I write one of these. I wasn’t going to at first, but then I thought about it and decided that it might be an effective way to evaluate my thoughts and alleviate my mind, almost a therapeutic tool to help preserve my sanity. I guess for my first post, I should probably just give you a general overview of me and how I think.

This year has indubitably been the hardest year of my life. It’s been full of change, heartbreak, trouble and drama. I’ve done things I said I’d never do, said things I never thought I’d say, disappointed people I never wanted to let down, and lost people I never wanted to live without. For a while, I lived my life without regretting anything. That sufficed for a while, until I made the biggest mistake of my life. Now I live my life with one single regret, which I would truly and honestly do anything to correct.

It hasn’t all been bad, though. I did make some new friends, and was reunited with a few old ones. My group of friends consists of all guys, and me. I love them so much and I don’t think I could have gotten through this hard time without them. Porter; you are without doubt the funniest person I have ever met. You make me laugh ALL the time and you always put me in a good mood. I’m so happy we became good friends again. Adam; probably the sweetest kid in the world. Everything that comes out of your mouth is nice. You’re such a good friend and I’m so happy we’re friends. Kyle aka Al; I know we give you a hard time sometimes, but we really do all love you! We’ve gotten a lot closer lately and I hope it stays like that! Matt; I tell you everything. You’re always honest with me and I really appreciate that. You mean a lot to me Matty and I hate that we haven’t hung out in a while.

I don’t know about this whole blogging thing. I’m not sure if it’s for me. But I guess I’ll try it a few more time before I make up my mind.

-Kristin ;]

RIP BIG

May 21, 1972 – March 9, 1997